Dixie Cafe tomorrow, Sunday

The gals have consented to come down a notch and eat at the Dixie Cafe on Sunday. It's because I talk a lot about the turkey and dressing. The Dixie Cafe is certainly what Nancy Pelosi would not get caught dead at. She'd wrinkle her stiff nose at the very thought. How come our senators ride around in their private, tax paid jets and they want us to go back to horse and buggy? Anyway, this is what I'd call the Tea Party Blue Plate Special. Real honest hard working red necks. You might even see someone pull up in a lawn mower and park it next to the cars/trucks. 18 wheelers park across the highway next to the railroad track. The Dixie Cafe is know far and wide for their trucker specials. Roast beef drowned in thick brown gravy. Chicken fried steak that overflows the plate toped with rich white gravy. Everything has gravy. It's the custom. You have to ask for it on the side so you can see the meat. Anyway, I'll order my favorite turkey and dressing. Yum.

Fancy neighbors

I went over to my 10 acres and there's a house next to the fence. When I found it's for sale (no sign out), I asked a realtor to find the listing. She sent it to me and my worthy neighbor has the house and 2 acres listed for $329,000. Ouch. There goes the neighborhood. The listing had a slide show of the inside and it's absolutely gorgeous. It could be in homes and garden. Huge floor to ceiling free standing limestone fireplace. Granite counter tops in the kitchen. Wood lined ceilings and paneling. Huge Jacuzzi tub in the master bath. And it goes on and on. She said they wanted more space and I can believe it. Poor kids had to sneak riding their 4 wheeler through my place. I am so overgrown that I can't get past the front part of trees. Waiting for the wood eating, mulching machine to call to clear it in 1/2 day. Seems like no one is calling back. Went over to visit Phyllis. She said I looked horrible, I was red in the face and sweating profusely. She got me a cold bottle of water. We talked and looked at her pet cows. Three little raccoons peeped out from a youpon bush to check on their cat food dinner that Shelley throws out about the time we were there. They only wanted us to turn our backs and 4 babies dashed for the cat food. Phyllis and John built their house years ago. Her yard is full of 2 well endowed pear trees, lots of tall oak trees and little garden spots around it. There's a pet guinea running around. A stray black and white mother cat came up with 4 kittens. They are going to spay and neuter them this week. She said their main vet wanted to charge $300/cat. They said No Way, Jose and are taking them to my vet who charges $75 or $85. I just heard that there's a vet in Brenham that charges less. Where do these vets get off with charging outlandish prices for a very simple procedure? Guess they've signed up for Obama's health care. I finally found a house that I want to build. I've been looking at it for a long time and found it on line. Can you believe it's a man who has built a barn here and one for my brother. Now, he's come up with a Barndiminium. It's a metal building that's just what I wanted....as much house as you want and the rest is barn space for the riding lawn mower and gator and whatever. They put up the metal building and you sub contract out the framer, plumber, electrician, etc. I know the layout I want but don't know how to draw it up. I enjoy the trees and sandy soil there. Would feel much better with 30 acres but that's all I could afford when I bought this. It's 40 x 60 x 12. It's become very popular for country homes for a rustic look. And functional. Apparently, it's more economical and certainly less maintenance with the metal exterior. It's suppose to with stand high winds, tornados and termites. No exterior painting. I like a log home but that's a chore to keep it up. You have to pressure wash it and it gets really dark and the logs separate. No thanks. It has a great front porch they include that's 10x60. I think a lot of country churches are going with this type of structure because the cost is less. And, there are no restrictions on country churches. I have cleaned out the under part of the kitchen sink. Boxes stacked everywhere. The pipe had a leak and I wanted to give it a good coat of paint so it looks good. So much junk one accumulates. Mike came today and began painting upstairs. We should all have to move yearly so we don't get so much stuff around. I still feel panicked . This seems to press down on my soul. Have to ask the higher person to take it away from me. Just bring me peace and calm. Maybe I can throw my worries up into the atmosphere and hope it lifts. I'm running as fast as I can.

Early morning again!

Dear Spot, Here I am again at early morning with a sinking pit in my stomach. I went to my 10 acres and found that in over 25 years it's grown up so that I couldn't walk through it. The locus trees and cedar trees have gotten so thick that there was no breeze and I couldn't walk around it. There are some bad neighbors....the kids have cut the fence and have been riding their 4 wheelers all over the place, making deep ruts where when it rains, it cuts deep into the soil. They have throwing their trash over the fence and I started throwing it back over the fence. I have to go over there and ask them to pick up their trash and fix the fence. I hate to be a bad neighbor but they are the ones who have taken the liberty of being bad first. I'll have to have a guy come in and clear out the underbrush so that I can get a spot to build a house on. Everything is being slowed down. Even the barn I had on it has fallen down. The electric temporary pole is gone so I'll have to dig up the one I have here and put it over there. They cost about $500 or more now. There is a bumper crop of cedar trees. I love them but they block all the breeze. The guy who runs a bulldozer/shredder has a good machine that mulches everything in it's path and leaves only a ground covering of pulp. That's much better than brush piles. There are a lot of nice trees on the place. I'll put the house just inside the tree line. I don't want to see the neighbor's back side of their barns, so I'll leave a cedar break to block the view of that. Then I have to drill a water well...and get a builder. I feel overwhelmed. I am going to have the painter come out tomorrow and start painting upstairs to get that ready. I'll have boxes and start packing ....I was going to move storage sheds in right now and have a place to put things but can't do that until they can get up to the back of the property without running over junk the neighbors have thrown over the fence and thorns from locus trees. Sinking pit in my stomach. And, I'm trying to get the place picked up here....two things at once is too much on a 74 year old person. Just too much. I'll just have to start clearing one shelf at a time...some of the stuff like odds and ends of drinking cups, I never use. So, they will go to good will. Garage sales bring strange bed fellows around out in the country. I imagine they wouldn't bring too much anyway...$1 for a whole box. Think I'll have a cup of coffee. That will sooth the aching heart and soul. Life is really strange. We think someone loves us and then someone comes along to put undue influence on them and we are in the path of mulching. We're left with lots of IF'S. What if I'd stayed in my old job and just gotten a nice retirement check and my own security blanket so that I would be independent. You think a husband loves you and you build a nice home and security. Then, suddenly, he finds a new squeeze and you're kicked out by the new squeeze and unceremoniously dropped on whatever doorstep you can find. Security is an illusion. Life appears to be an illusion. What if God had made it so that we stayed 30 forever until we were ready to age. But, the world would really overpopulate. Maybe in the after life, we stay young forever. That's the concept that people get from the after world. We regress in our age when we get over there and become 30 again, healthy, secure and , I suppose, happy. Those who are young when they die, supposedly progress to age 30. We never age over there. But, since we don't have that guarantee, people are reluctant to die. I think fear of dying is the fear of pain. Fear of the unknown. Coffee time.

My happiness is fleeting...

I feel like I'm in the debts of an edge into free falling into oblivion. Where has life gone and why is it so futurless? It was happy one moment and now, it's unhappy. I fight daily to keep an even kiel. I try to think it will be okay but then this wave of terror creeps into my psyche and I'm on the down path to oblivion. Betrayal. Greed. Psychological warfare. Pseudo . Hang my head. Sad.

Three Bad Nights

Usually, when a senior citizen can't sleep, it's because he/she has been napping all day long. I guess my lack of sleep is from worry. I worry that I will be left penniless. I want to go spit on my husbands grave for being such a vengeful person for no reason at all. If there isn't any reason, it's because of some quirky personality that has a serious character flaw. When he was on his death bed, he met in private with the lawyer to fix his will, etc. After the lawyer left, he hissed through baited breath "Well, I guess you're satisfied now." His character was like a bad tempered rattlesnake. Damn bastard. What mentality looks at life like everything and everyone is out for their money or whatever. His mother was the same way. She counted every penny and piece of silver ware. She counted every fork , knife and spoon after her bridge group left. She was raised very poor and went through the depression. She and her husband worked hard in various businesses and later in life, she exhibited Scorpio tendencies with a hatred and suspicion toward everyone. He appeared to be a soft spoken and very sweet person. I guess my husband was mad because he thought I'd gotten a penny and that to him, was a penny too much. If I'd known how it would have all turned out, I would have kept on working earning my own money and building my own life so that I would have had security. Now, at 74, I'm old, not physically fit and certainly, I don't feel one bit secure. I'm going to have to find a job in order to live in the comfort of something other than medicare. I've been accepted into a job setting and am nervous about starting all over with only the shirt on my back. I can't sleep at night from worry and I seem to have a pit in the bottom of my stomach all the time. Damn him. I didn't do anything to deserve this, he was just a pathetic specimen of a person . We never know how life is going to turn out. I look at these gorgeous women who lounge all over the world without a care. Some rely on their trust funds and others on their looks. Looks are quickly gone and the trust funds can dry up eventually. They should have taken life more seriously. It's not fun to be 74 and feel betrayed by the one who was suppose to love you. Oh, my heart hurts, my stomach churns and I feel like I'm going mad. Will it every stop? I feel broken.

Thanks...thanks...

Many thanks to my daughter V who took me to the doctor's and suffered getting up at 5am to get to the day surgery which took place at 9am. She is usually allergic to mornings but graciously got up without hesitation. The day surgery waiting room and building was absolutely freezing. I got a warm blanket and then passed it to V. Later, when we came home, my son-in-law took over and was a very good nurse. Thanks to both of them. My other daughter came from Houston on Saturday and then V and her husband left. Thanks to everyone. It means a lot.

Chicken Today Feathers Tomorrow

It's been such a long time since I've posted anything. Lots has happened since then. I've had arthroscopic surgery on my left knee. The surgery was a breeze after much trepidation. I guess everyone thinks they will die during surgery. I did. So, I had to play mind games. One was to imagine myself doing things after the surgery, proceeding with life as usual. So, I was relieved when I woke up in recovery. I was in there with about 20 other recovering day surgery patients in different stages of wakefulness. I heard my anesthetist say that he felt horrible like he was coming down with a strep throat. He said he was called in because they were short handed. That was certainly not reassuring and I quickly took Vit. C when I got home. Eleven days out, I have not come down with anything resembling a serious cold.

Before the surgery, everyone I asked who had the surgery, said they did very well. Now, two people have said it didn't help them at all.

Who to believe?

I am still limping and in pain with the knee. I usually don't need a crutch around the house except in the middle of the night to make a dash for the potty. That's because of a previous stroke in 03, balance is an issue in the dark. So, the crutch helps to balance and give me a sense of equilibrium. I find that I need a crutch when I have to walk longer distances like into SAM'S. One time, I thought I wouldn't make it back to the car. So, since then, I use the crutch and just put it in the basket but I can take the strain off the knee.

Thursday, I got back for a post op visit. I already took the stitches out because they were poking me and digging into the skin. Nothing red or inflamed. All has healed and is progressing. I just don't know when the pain will go away. Will it ever? A continuing saga.

The doctor said he shaved off the jagged edges of the arthritic bone and removed some of the stray cartilage. If this doesn't work, then there will have to be a knee replacement. Ouch! Now, I do know that after the initial shock wears off, this usually does the trick.

Ah, but the agony.

Stay tuned for the doctor's visit.