Early morning again!

Dear Spot, Here I am again at early morning with a sinking pit in my stomach. I went to my 10 acres and found that in over 25 years it's grown up so that I couldn't walk through it. The locus trees and cedar trees have gotten so thick that there was no breeze and I couldn't walk around it. There are some bad neighbors....the kids have cut the fence and have been riding their 4 wheelers all over the place, making deep ruts where when it rains, it cuts deep into the soil. They have throwing their trash over the fence and I started throwing it back over the fence. I have to go over there and ask them to pick up their trash and fix the fence. I hate to be a bad neighbor but they are the ones who have taken the liberty of being bad first. I'll have to have a guy come in and clear out the underbrush so that I can get a spot to build a house on. Everything is being slowed down. Even the barn I had on it has fallen down. The electric temporary pole is gone so I'll have to dig up the one I have here and put it over there. They cost about $500 or more now. There is a bumper crop of cedar trees. I love them but they block all the breeze. The guy who runs a bulldozer/shredder has a good machine that mulches everything in it's path and leaves only a ground covering of pulp. That's much better than brush piles. There are a lot of nice trees on the place. I'll put the house just inside the tree line. I don't want to see the neighbor's back side of their barns, so I'll leave a cedar break to block the view of that. Then I have to drill a water well...and get a builder. I feel overwhelmed. I am going to have the painter come out tomorrow and start painting upstairs to get that ready. I'll have boxes and start packing ....I was going to move storage sheds in right now and have a place to put things but can't do that until they can get up to the back of the property without running over junk the neighbors have thrown over the fence and thorns from locus trees. Sinking pit in my stomach. And, I'm trying to get the place picked up here....two things at once is too much on a 74 year old person. Just too much. I'll just have to start clearing one shelf at a time...some of the stuff like odds and ends of drinking cups, I never use. So, they will go to good will. Garage sales bring strange bed fellows around out in the country. I imagine they wouldn't bring too much anyway...$1 for a whole box. Think I'll have a cup of coffee. That will sooth the aching heart and soul. Life is really strange. We think someone loves us and then someone comes along to put undue influence on them and we are in the path of mulching. We're left with lots of IF'S. What if I'd stayed in my old job and just gotten a nice retirement check and my own security blanket so that I would be independent. You think a husband loves you and you build a nice home and security. Then, suddenly, he finds a new squeeze and you're kicked out by the new squeeze and unceremoniously dropped on whatever doorstep you can find. Security is an illusion. Life appears to be an illusion. What if God had made it so that we stayed 30 forever until we were ready to age. But, the world would really overpopulate. Maybe in the after life, we stay young forever. That's the concept that people get from the after world. We regress in our age when we get over there and become 30 again, healthy, secure and , I suppose, happy. Those who are young when they die, supposedly progress to age 30. We never age over there. But, since we don't have that guarantee, people are reluctant to die. I think fear of dying is the fear of pain. Fear of the unknown. Coffee time.